HGN Foer 10

Holonet Galactic News

(Between Episodes IX and X)

Headline News:

Planet Caamas bombarded from Orbit

The Caamasi homeworld was declared subversive and bombarded by Imperial forces yesterday. The Imperial fleet arrived two days ago and placed the planet under quarantine. Considering the duration of the bombardment experts believe that virtually all of the Caamasi on the planet are dead. Our experts have confirmed that the Caamasi had an extensive planetary shield system that should have been able to repel this attack. It is unclear why the shields were not raised.

Imperial officials have forbidden any relief or rescue ships from landing on the planet for one standard month. A few ships have already gathered beyond the blockade waiting for the chance to search for survivors and assess the damage including two Ithorian herdships.

The specifics regarding the crimes for which the planet was destroyed have not been made public yet. The Senate has been demanding answers regarding this attack and the Emperor’s staff has been unwilling to comment. The only official statement given was:

“In a few months, all will be made clear. We are preparing something which will convince everyone that what the Emperor chose to do is right and proper. Be patient.”

Koensayr Fined for Questionable Sales

Koensayr’s Y-Wing starfighter sales have been brought into question by COMPNOR’s Commerce group. When the Empire rebuffed sales offers in favor of Sienar’s TIE line Koensayr turned to selling to planetary governments and business concerns. However, COMPNOR’s reports show that there are a disproportionate number of these fighters showing up in the hands of dissidents and criminal groups. Koensayr has been fined ten billion credits and ordered to police their sales more thoroughly.

First Imperial Star Destroyer Lost in Battle

An Imperial Star Destroyer was lost while being refitted in the Deep Core. According to Imperial reports, the Star Destroyer was powered down when a fleet of pirate and rebel spacecraft attacked the ship without warning or provocation. This cowardly attack was believed to be an attempt to assasinate Gilder Varth, a respected Imperial Admiral credited with eliminating the largest dissident movement since the Separatists in a courageous fleet battle last year.

The Admiral thankfully survived the event and has told news sources that he will not be intimidated by terrorists. He insists he knows who the attackers are and that they are survivors of the dissident movement he destroyed and confidently states that the Imperial Navy will soon hunt down and eliminate them wholesale.


Tattoine Voted Most Obscure and Unknown Planet in Galaxy by 89% of our Readers

If there is one planet nothing will ever happen on it’s definitely Tattoine. Definitely the planet farthest from the bright center of the Universe. We asked our readers why they chose Tattoine and all told similar stories: “No one even knows it’s there. It’s remote. The people there farm water….crazy. Even the Tosche corporation is considering pulling their Stations off the planet. Look for great ‘Going out of Business’ prices on power converters if this ends up happening.”

The great mystery is why this insignificant dustball is so well known to be irrelevant and useless. Professor of Galactic History Fronzel Neekburm offers this explanation:

“Despite how pointless and obscure the planet is it continually against all odds thrusts itself onto the galactic stage. Any time there is some great evil to be vanquished or some imminent threat to galactic peace crops up those in the struggle invariably wind up on Tattoine. The Jedi Order referred to it in one text as a ‘nexus of galactic destiny’ showing how the superstitious fools of that ancient religion sought to explain this.

I do not believe this. The odds of Tattoine ever stepping onto the galactic stage are infintisemal. I expect we’ll hear nothing out of it for millenia.”


Concert of the Winds Unexpectedly Cancelled

The Vor government has cancelled the Concert of the Winds, an annual event where the building-sized musical instrument, the Cathedral of the Winds would play. Recordings of the event are not allowed but the live audience routinely numbers in the millions.

Vors fly through the instrument and use their bodies to channel the wind through the tunnels of the instrument to create the music.

When asked to comment, the Vor government said that the music would play again when the galaxy was free again. They would not explain further.


Short on cash? Why not try mugging someone? Criminals throughout the galaxy are dealing with this question and how are you going to protect yourself? Sure, you can apply for a license for a blaster pistol but that can take days. In that time criminals could kill you and your family fifty times over.

Come to Adbul’s Loophole Antique Arms Emporium. Here you can buy antique firearms like black powder pistols, crossbow, and antique one-shot revolvers not covered by current firearms regulations. Walk in and walk out with weapons. Sure that bullet may be outdated but it can still take down a mugger at 10 yards. Others may laugh at your crossbow but they’ll find it less funny when they’re impaled on several inches of a wooden bolt.

HGN Foer 10

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